


Confessions

by uswntlover1717



Category: USWNT - Fandom
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Friendship, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-15 19:52:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13620534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uswntlover1717/pseuds/uswntlover1717
Summary: At training camp, Tobin reveals a secret she has been keeping since she was 16. How will her best friends react when they find out about this secret. A true testimony of friendship.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so this is my first time writing a fanfic so its a bit rough but hope you enjoy. leave comments/ suggestion and kudos! this story does include descriptions of self-harm and cutting so if that upsets you I wouldn't really suggest reading it but its a great story about the support these girls all must have for each other which we can all see on and off the field but this is all fictional so ya. enjoy. will be updating pretty regularly too.

Lindsey, Kelley and Tobin were trying to hold back our tears from laughing so hard from latest prank they pulled on Allie Long. Lindsey just scared the shit out of Allie and the girls haven’t laughed this hard in a long time. The plan was for Emily, who was rooming with Allie to have an “extra- long shower” so that way Allie would have to use someone else’s, that somebody else’s being Tobin and Lindsey’s. Lindsey would be behind the wall beside her bed where Allie wouldn’t be able to see her, and Tobin would be laying down on her bed. And because Allie just scared Lindsey earlier that day, Tobin asked Kelley to give her a double scare. So, they just had to wait until Allie texted one of them. 

Allie: Harry!! Sonnet is taking foreverrrrr in the bathroom, can I please use your shower??  
Tobin: Yes Harry  
Allie: Perf! Im coming now

“She’s coming!” Tobin announces. Lindsey rolls over off the bed to hide behind the wall and Kelley gets off from Tobin’s bed and heads to the closet across from the bathroom door. About 5 minutes later Allie comes to the door with her cup of coffee, of course. “Harry?!” “Yeah” “Why are you taking pic- ahhhhhhhh!!!!” Lindsey jumped in front of Allie when she was crossing the room and scared the shit out of her Tobin thought she was going to drop her coffee! Tobin is laughing so hard while she is trying to keep the phone from shaking, Lindsey collapsed on the bed laughing. Allie just walked over to where Tobin was sitting and tried to grab her phone but Tobin stopped recording and put it in her hoodie’s pocket before she got it and try to delete it before she posted it. “Harryyyyy! I could literally kill you right now” Allie jokingly said lying on Tobins bed. “You would never do that” Tobin said chuckling. “Yeah, there’s no way Al. You wouldn’t survive without Tob’s” Lindsey said from her spot on her bed. “Just go have your shower Har, you smell” Tobin said laughing. Allie flipped them the bird and started to walk towards the washroom. The girls were trying to hold back their smirks and laughs knowing that Kelley was about to pop out any minute for the double scare. Allie stopped at the closet door and turned back looking at the three girls with a confused look on her face. “What?” Allie asked suspiciously. It only took 5 seconds of silence when all of a sudden, “ROARRRRR!!” Kelley popped out of the closet and Allie screamed so loud the whole floor probably heard her and fell to the ground holding her heart. All of the girls burst out laughing, even Allie started to laugh after a few minutes. “I hate all of you” Allie said with a serious tone while trying to hold back a smile knowing she was just dethroned form being the “queen of scares”. “We all love you Harry” Tobin said still laughing. “And we know that you still love us” Lindsey said holding her aching stomach because of how much she was laughing. “You totally deserved those seeing as to what you put us through” Kelley said grinning. “Yeah, yeah okay. Im having a shower and if any of you try and scare me one more time I promise you I will get you pack 10 times worse than this” Allie said raising her eyebrow. “Okay Al, enjoy your shower” Kelley said back. Allie proceeded to go into the bathroom and lock the door and had her shower while the other girls sat on Lindsey and Tobin’s beds laughing about what just happened, Tobin posted the video of Linds scaring Allie first onto Instagram and they just were talking about training tomorrow. “We should probably go get ready for dinner” Kelley said looking up from her phone to Tobin and Lindsey. “Yeah, don’t want to be late again” Lindsey said rolling her eyes and Tobin slightly chuckling knowing the last time her and Lindsey were late they got a nice lecture from Jill in front of the whole team after dinner. “Im going to go get my charger for my phone, I’ll meet you guys down there” Kelley said rolling off of Lindsey’s bed and making her way for the door. “Yeah, see you down there” Tobin said as Kelley exited. “That was one of the funniest things ever” Lindsey said still chuckling. “Oh I know, I don’t think she has ever screamed that loud” Tobin said starting to laugh again. “Well, there was that one time where Kell and Mal scared her while she was waiting for the elevator” Lindsey said. “You would have screamed that loud too if they did that to you!” Allie said approaching her two friends in grey Nike sweats and a white t-shirt. “I don’t know about that Al” Lindsey said back. “Whatever, you guys ready for food?” “Always ready for food” replied Tobin. The three girls made their way down to the dining room which was almost all filled with the members of the national team and staff. They all grabbed a plate and joined the line for food. After everyone was done eating and the girls were all about to leave, Jill stood up to make a quick announcement. “Alright ladies. I wanted to thank everyone for showing up on time to dinner tonight,” Jill started while looking directly at Lindsey and Tobin as the two girls pretended to look around looking for other people causing the other players around them to all laugh. “We have an early training session in the morning so I want everyone to go back to their own rooms once dinner is done and relax and get a good night’s rest because we have early training tomorrow, (the girls all groaned when that was mentioned). Alright, see you in the morning”. With Jill finished her announcement the girls all headed back up to their rooms. 

“Yo, do you mind if I shower first?” Tobin asked Lindsey. “No, go for it Tobs. I showered this morning after the gym” Lindsey said back as she was rummaging through her suitcase looking for her pajama shorts and a hoodie to sleep in. “Okay, I’ll be out in 15” Tobin said on her way to the bathroom. “mmhmm” responded Lindsey who was pulling over her hoodie and crawling into bed. Lindsey heard the bathroom door click closed and proceeded to turn on the t.v to see if anything good was on, which there wasn’t. She switched it off and plugged in her earbuds to her phone, pulled her hood over her head and closed her eyes. It only took Tobin 10 minutes to finish her shower and towel dry her hair. She stepped out of the washroom wrapped in a towel and saw what she thought was Lindsey sleeping so she started to dig through her suitcase looking for her UNC sweatshirt and a pair of black LuLu Lemon short, shorts. Once she put on the hoodie and shorts, she placed the towel on the back of the chair beside her and Lindsey’s suitcases. When she turned around to climb into bed and shut the lights off, she saw an open mouthed, wide eyed Lindsey Horan staring back at her. Tobin immediately used the towel she draped on the chair to hold in front of her legs. “Tobin Heath” Lindsey said with her voice shaking. “What the hell happened to your thighs?” “Um…. Um, it was a cat….” Tobin rasped out, not knowing what to say. She quickly pulled on a pair of her sweatpants and her Nike slides and ran out of the room as fast as she could and slammed the door behind her leaving Lindsey confused, shocked, angry, sad, and scared. 

Tobin ran down the hallway with tears starting to slowing stream down her face while only passing a few of her teammates on the way. She heard people shouting her name and asking her where she was going but she just kept running. She rounded the corner leading to the stairs and elevators when she collided with a hard object causing her to fall to the ground. She ended up running and falling right into Ashlyn Harris. “What the hell?” Ashlyn asked rubbing her shoulder on which she fell on until she realized that Tobin was on the ground crying and slowly getting up. “Oh my god Tobs are you okay?” Ash asked thinking that Tobin was physically hurt from their collision. “Ye-yeah, im-im fine” Tobin sniffled and made her way towards the stairs leaving Ash on the ground confused. Tobin climbed the stairs down to the lobby where she made her way outside and walked around the block trying collect herself and slowly made her way back to her hotel room; it was about 12:30 when she arrived. When she got back to her room she just slid down the door bringing her knees to her chest and hands to her face as more tears started to form in her eyes. Lindsey, who couldn’t possibly fall asleep after what she just saw, made her way over and sat down beside Tobin. “Tobs?” Lindsey asked cautiously. Tobin looked at the younger girl beside her, her eyes full of unshed tears which all started to flow as soon as Lindsey wrapped her arms around the older girls shoulders. Tobin was somebody Lindsey looked up to and grew very close to while they played together in France for PSG, she was not only somebody she looked up to but her close friend and seeing her like this made her so upset and scared. She knew what those cuts were on the midfielder’s legs, but she had no idea how to ask the girl about them. “Tobs, I need you to be very honest with me right now...” Lindsey paused, needing a second to properly phrase her question, “did you do this? Did you do mark your body with these?” All Lindsey got was a small nod and the sound of more tears from Tobin. “Aww god Tob’s. Come here.” Lindsey said as she pulled her friend into a hug and held her until Tobin’s tears stopped flowing and she pulled back, her eyes now red and puffy from all of the crying. “You wanna talk about it? You know you can talk to me about anything, you’ve been here so much for me, its about time I return the favour” Lindsey spoke, Tobin looked at the younger girl who she had so often given advice to, “Its really complicated and im not sure I want to drag you into this” Tobin said quietly. The only person she has ever told was Lauren Holiday and with her not here anymore, she has been struggling more than ever. “Tobs, I don’t think I’ve ever been has scared or hurt or upset all at once in my life. I’m scared that you’re going to do this again and I don’t want you to and the fact that something is making you this upset to do this to yourself is killing me. I look up to you and I don’t think you know how much, you’ve turned into one of my best friends and I can’t watch you be upset like this. I love you to bits and just want to help you get through whatever this is okay. You can trust me Tobs.” Lindsey said on the verge of tears herself. Tobin simply nodded, slowly raising herself off the ground with Lindsey and started to walk towards her bed and lied down, Lindsey following behind her. A few minutes of silence passed between them until she started. “I was 16 when I first started. I was stressed trying to juggle school, soccer, youth national teams, friends, family, just everything was so chaotic in my life especially since my parents just told me and Katie, Per, and Jeff that they were going to get a divorce. It literally ripped the family apart. Everyone had their own ways to deal with it, for me I put all my energy into soccer and school but after a while I needed a different kind of release, if that makes sense. I couldn’t go to Katie or Per cause I didn’t want them to worry about me too since they were helping out my mom so much. Feeling stressed for me was new and I didn’t know how to handle it, it was building up inside of me and I needed to get it out somehow. I knew other girls at my school who did it so I figured I could try it. I remember the first time so clearly. It hurt, a lot. But it was the release I needed, I told myself I would only do it that one time but, I couldn’t stop, I cut my whole right wrist that night and ever since I haven’t been able to stop. It got to the point that it was my go to stress reliever instead of playing soccer. I would wear long sleeves and hoodies to train in and wear to school and I would use concealer and hair ties or bracelets to cover them in the summer or when I wore t-shirts. It wasn’t until I over did it one night before I left for the Olympics back in 2008. I knew I would be meeting people and I didn’t want like professions and coaches or endorsers to see them so I stopped cutting on my wrist and arm and started on my hip bones and thighs cause I can hide them easier. But with the shit that’s happened in between now and Rio, ughh, its been so hard, so hard and I’m really sorry you had to see them and find out about them. I don’t want you to worry or anything, that’s why I don’t ever talk about it.” Tobin said with tears starting to stream down her face. Tobin felt Lindsey move her hand down onto her thigh and moved her hand over the white and purple scars and the red, raised lines that marked her upper legs which she knew had to be relatively fresh. “Do they hurt? Does it hurt when you do it? Lindsey softly asked. Tobin reached out and held her hand, “No, they don’t hurt now, sometimes in the morning if I have a shower they’ll burn a bit if I did it the night before. But it doesn’t really hurt anymore when I do it either, depends on how deep but I kinda just go numb.” Tobin said calmly. “What did you mean when you said about all the shit that has happened between Rio and now?” Linsdey asked wanting to hear more of the story. “Listen, im really tired, can we go bed?” Tobin asked Lindsey. “Of course, Tobs, thanks for opening up to me like that. I’m not leaving you ever okay buddy, friends for life, you can’t shake me.” Lindsey said as she made her way to her own bed until Tobin reached out for her friend’s hand, “Stay with me?” Tobin asked gently. “Of course” Lindsey replied as she crawled under the covers of Tobin’s bed where they both fell asleep immediately. 

When Tobin woke up the next morning she immediately regretted telling Lindsey all the things she told her last night. It was embarrassing and she didn’t want to have people thinking she was weak or fragile. Cheney was the only person she told cause the night she over did it back in 2008 was really bad. 

Flashback to Beijing Olympics 2008

‘fuckkkkk’ Tobin grunted as the razor slid across her wrist for the seventh time. She went deeper than she meant to and now the blood wouldn't stop pooling out of her arm and she was starting to panic. Normally she was careful enough when she did this, just deep enough to draw some blood and pain but that was not the case right now. With the stress of the Olympics and the huge game against Canada in two days Tobin just felt so overwhelmed and didn’t know what to do. She got off from the ledge of the bathtub and made her way over to the sink and started running some cold water over her wrist while putting a washcloth over the cuts trying to control the bleeding. The white washcloth was only getting redder by the second and fear and guilt started to over take Tobin. ‘Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, please just stop bleeding please God make it stop bleeding. I-I need to stop doing this. Why isn’t it stopping. What do I do? What do I do?’. Tobin turned off the tap and just held the now red wash cloth over her forearm and put as much pressure as she could to try and make it stop. Tears started to form in the midfielders eyes and she started pacing the small athletes village bathroom trying to calm her-self down. The water and blood dripping off the towel and her arm made the tiles slippery and Tobin slipped as she walked passed the bathtub for the tenth time. ‘ouch! Oh shit.’ ‘Tobin? Are you okay? Did you fall or something?’ Lauren Cheney was knocking on the locked door trying to get in. tobin couldn’t even reply as getting up from the tile seemed to much effort and she just sat against the bathtub holding her wrist praying it would stop bleeding. ‘Tobin? Open the door. Why aren’t you answering me?! Tobin!’ Lauren started pounding on the door frantically, praying it would just open so she could see if her friend was okay. ‘Tobin, I know how to pick a lock, if you don’t answer me im coming in….. Tobin! okay im busting in’. Tobin knew that her best friend was about to walk in and see her like this, taking deep breaths she waited, not knowing what to do or say but before she could even start to get a plan the bathroom door bursts open. “Oh my god! Tobin! What the fuck happened. What did you do babe?!! Did you do this??!!” Lauren was on her on her knees in front of her friend starting to cry taking in what she was seeing. “Hey Cheney” “Tobs, what are you doing, theres so much blood. Are you okay. Please tell me what to do.” “Get another towel and sit with me?” “Sure.” Lauren got up and got two towels from the cupboard, one for Tobin and one to clean the mess on the ground. “Are you going to be okay, I mean, its not-” “Its all good Chen, it just needs rubbing alcohol which is just over there but its gonna be fine, its not like this is my first time doing it.” “Wanna talk?” Lauren was slightly relived knowing that Tobs would be fine but was so heartbroken to know her best friend has resorted to cutting herself cause she was so upset. She decided to approach this situation calmly and then give her a hard time later. “If I tell you, you cant tell anybody dude. Like not even Arod. It stays between us.” “Deal.” “So it started last year when…” Tobin explained how it all started and Lauren was crying by the time Tobin finished explaining. “Tobey, please, please, for me, don’t do this ever again.” Lauren said in between her tears and sniffles. “Chen I-“ “No. No Tobin, I am not going to stand by and let my best friend do this to herself. I cant and I wont. Do you know how scared I got when you weren’t opening the door, that when I bust in here to see you on the ground with what was a white towel red. I felt sick to my stomach and was scared and freaking out. Please, God doesn’t want you to do this, you know that and I know that. Please, you need to stop.” Lauren was looking Tobin dead in the eyes as now both girls were crying. “Okay. Ill stop Chen. I promise.” Lauren leans over and hugs the girl infront of her, “I love you, I will always be here no matter what Tobs. Next time you feel like you need to do this, call me, text me, come and get me even and we will distract you and okay.” “okay, love you too Chen.” 

End flashback. 

She kept her promise to Lauren, she stopped cutting only until kinda recently, after Lauren retired. It has been so hard on Tobin and no one truly knows how she feels cause as soon as she talks about the fact Laurens not playing anymore she gets way too upset. She knew that if she told Lauren she started again she would be so upset with her and Tobin knows that she cant do that to her best friend, she was so happy right now. She knew that Lindsey could go and tell Lauren and it scared Tobin, she didn’t want her to find out. When she felt Lindsey nudge her shoulder whispering if she was awake, she pretended to be asleep. She waited until Lindsey went into the bathroom to shower when she rolled out of bed and put on a pair of joggers, put her Beats on and cranked up her music, and put her hood over her head. She then made her way down the hall and to the elevators to go downstairs for some breakfast. Tobin just finished entering and pressing the 5th floor button when Kelley and Mallory entered the elevator just as its doors were about to close. “See told you we would make it” Mallory sassily told Kelley. “Whatever kiddo. Hey Tobs!” the defender spoke. Tobin wasn’t paying attention to the other two players, she was staring at her shoes and couldn’t hear Kelley cause her music was the only thing she could hear but the music suddenly disappeared and she saw Mallory holding her Beats with both her and Kelley sharing confused and concerned looks on their faces. “Tobs, whats up? Whats wrong?” Kelley asked rubbing her best friends back knowing something was bugging Tobin. Tobin nudged Kelley’s hand away, “Nothing Kells. Im just really tired.” Tobin gave a slight smile to Mal, “Hi Mal, can I have my Beats back now?” Tobin replied numbly. “Sure Tobs” Mallory said sadly passing the midfielder her Beats back just as the elevator doors opened to their floor and they watched her zone out on their way to the dining room. “What is up with her?” Mallory asked Kelley as they stepped off the elevator following Tobin to the dining room. “I don’t know kid but maybe Ash or Alex know something” Kelley said as they walked through the doors and joined the line for food. About 10 minutes had passed and everyone was sitting down at the long table eating their food. Tobin was sitting beside Ash and Alli at the end but was still wearing her headphones and unconsciously pushing the eggs on her plate back and forth. Everyone noticed Tobins behaviour but no one knew what to say. “Allie, do you know what’s up with Tobs?” Alex asks as she sits down next to Allie. “I don’t know Al, I tried saying hi when I sat down but she hasn’t talked to me, just kinda smiled at me.” “That’s so unlike her. Oh, I’m going to go get her a cup of coffee, that always puts a smile on her face” Alex says as she pushes her chair back and makes her way to the coffee station. Not even 3 minutes later Alex returns with a cup of coffee for her friend. She sets it down in front of Tobin waiting for a reply. “Thanks Lex.” Tobin responds with a slight smile as Alex gives her hand a quick squeeze and makes her way back to her spot beside Allie, who sits right beside Tobin. About 5 minutes later Kelley looks up her spot across from Alex up from her phone to see Tobin still pushing her eggs with her beats still on. “Hey guys” she says grabbing the teams attention, “Does anyone know what’s up with” Kelley said as she used her eyes to motion towards a slumped Tobin. “Honestly have no idea. She ran into me last night crying but I didn’t get a chance to see what was up because she ran down the stairs to leave.” Ash said not just to Kelley but more so to the whole table. “I don’t know what to do. Has anyone talked to her” Kelley asked looking defeated. “I tried this morning when I sat down beside her but couldn’t get anything more than a ‘hey’” Allie says. “Shes zoning out again” Ali said. “Coffee didn’t even get a smile” Alex said clearly upset by seeing her friend like this. Alex knows when Tobin is upset, she saw her like this back in 2011 when they lost the World Cup and same thing happened in Rio, and especially after Lauren retired, she shuts people out. Everyone at the table continued to eat in silence as they were all concerned for their friend but no one knew what to say because this was so unlike Tobin. Soon Lindsey and Emily entered the dining room piggy back style causing everyone to chuckle at the two. The two rookies got their food and sat down at the two empty seats at the long table which so happened to be directly across from Tobin. Tobin’s playlist ended and she slipped off her Beats and realized that two new figures in front of her. She suddenly got very anxious and it became very evident as she pushed her chair back looking around for the closest exit without saying a word. “Tobs!” Alex slightly yelled to get the girls attention. “Where are you going Harry!?” Allie asked her best friend grabbing her hand, stopping her from going any further. “I need to go, right now.” She said looking in Lindsey’s direction and walking quickly getting out of Allies’ grip and pretty much ran out of the room with Lindsey’s head just dropping. All of her teammates looked in Lindsey’s direction all silently asking her what just happened. Lindsey felt very lost and upset and started to tear up. Allie immediately walked over to Lindsey’s chair and hugged her, all eyes from the team still on her. “Al, can I talk to you? Its about Tobin” Lindsey said, her voice shaking and her eyes filled with unshed tears. “For sure, lets go to my room.” Allie said taking the midfielders hand and began walking back up to her room obtaining many concerned looks from their teammates. 

It only took a few seconds after leaving the dining room for the tears in Lindsey’s eyes to begin to fall. Allie wrapped her arm around the younger girls shoulder as they rode the elevator up to their floor and led them back to her room. “What’s up Linds?” Allie asks as they made their way to her bed and sat down. “Tobin told me something last night and now shes ignoring me.” Lindsey said between sniffles. “I was going to talk to her this morning once I was out of the shower but she was gone when I left and when I came into the dining room with Emily she was completely zoned out like she wasn’t even talking to you or Alex or Kells, and she didn’t even want to talk to me or look at me or-” “Woah, slow down Linds.” Allie said, “what did Harry tell you?”. “I- I, I cant tell you, she would never ever forgive me if I did.” Lindsey whispered. “I think you’re forgetting that Harry is my best friend, she has told me everything, I may know her better than I know myself. Im sure she has told me. So what did she tell you?” “Are you sure?” Allie just nodded and smiled. “okay, well, last night she told me, umm, well she kinda, umm, she has cuts all over her thighs and hip bones. She cuts herself Al. And has been for a long time now.” Lindsey said looking up from her lap where she was twiddling her thumbs expecting to see a knowing look from Allie but instead got something far from it. “Tobin what???!!!!” Allie seriously looked like she was going to throw up. “Oh my god. Oh my god. Fuckkkkk. What the fuck did I just do?” Lindsey got up from Allies bed leaving her to go and apologize to Tobin. She sprinted down the hall and up the 3 flights of stairs to the dining room where she found Tobin making small talk with Alex, Carli, Ali, Ash, Mal and Kelley. “Tobin?!” She shouted and was sobbing already but seeing the concerned and scared looks on Tobin’s and her teammates faces made her even more upset. Tobin stood up from her chair, looking scared. “Tobs, sniffle, Tobs, I- I told Allie. Im so, sorry, I thought she knew.” Tobin’s face changed from scared, to angry, to hurt, and then to broken. “I cant believe you did that!” Tobin said loudly with her voice shaking, her eyes filling with tears. She could feel the entire rooms eyes on her. “Linds, I trusted you so much, so fucking much.” And with that she took off running out of the room and out of the hotel leaving a humiliated Lindsey Horan and a shocked team behind. “What the hell just happened” Carli said. That was all Lindsey heard before she felt two sets of hands lead her away from all of the prying eyes.


	2. chapter 2

Tobin ran as far as she could before she was out of breath. She could not believe that Lindsey would go and tell somebody, she trusted her, and she just completely broke all their trust they ever had. She never opened up to people like that and never about her cutting either, that was something so personal and so complicated that she had only ever told Lauren, her best friend. But then she remembered her other best friend, Allie. Harry. Ugh she had to go see Allie. Tobin quickly ran back to the hotel and to Allie’s door. She tried to open it but it was locked, “Harry, Harry its me, open the door” Tobin said knocking on her door trying to fight back her tears. Allie opened the door to find a very hysterical Tobin. “Allie im so sorry” Tobin said before falling down into her friends open arms and breaking down. “Shhhhh” Allie said holding her best friend and bringing her into her entry way shutting the door behind them and slowly falling to the ground and just holding her friend, stroking her hair trying to calm her down. “Tobs, why didn’t you tell me? Im- Im your best friend.” She said, her voice breaking and tears starting to form in her eyes. “I-I thought you-you would be mad at me” Tobin stuttered looking down at the ground. “Harry, I could never be mad at you over this. I love you and only want to help you out of this, I don’t want to see you doing something like this.” Her best friends’ words only made her cry harder and she moved closer in her best friends embrace. “Al, what if everyone finds out? I-I cant deal, what-what if sniffle, what if they make fun of me or-or get angry at me? I wouldn’t know-” “Tobin, no would be angry at you or make fun of you, I promise you that. No one would ever suspect this of you and everyone loves you and only wants you to be happy babe. I don’t think anyone will find out about this except maybe for Alex, and Kelley” Allie said reassuringly, wiping her tears from her cheeks. “Look at me babe” Tobin looked up at her and saw her mascara and tearstained best friends face. “Harry, I love you. And I only want you to be happy, everyone does. And I don’t know why you’re doing this to yourself but I know you and I know that you are stronger than this. You’ll make it through this and I will be here with you, always.” Allie kept eye contact with Tobin the whole time and seeing the fear in her friends eyes just broke her heart. “Show me” Allie said, her voice shaking. “What?” “I said show me Harry. I need to see them to believe it because I honestly can’t believe you would do this to yourself.” Allie watched as the midfielder rolled down the top of her sweatpants to reveal the multiple vertical lines running along her hipbones, she slowly pushed down the rest of her pants, now only in the shorts she was wearing last night. Tobin was looking up at the ceiling, too scared to see her friends face. Allie couldn’t believe it. “Oh my God. Tobin”. She reached her hand out and delicately touched the raised lines on her friends’ thigh, feeling the fresh cuts and seeing the scars which only pushed her over the edge and she began to sob too. They sat there crying for what felt like forever but only really several minutes until they heard a knock at the door. Allie stood up and looked to see who it was through the peep hole, it was Alex and Kelley, “Can we come in?” Alex asked. She opened the door and Alex and Kelley both froze at the sight of their best friend, red and puffy eyes, tear stained cheeks, and crumpled on the floor. Alex gave Allie a concerned look, “Har? You want to tell Lex and Kell? I really think you should.” Allie spoke softly to Tobin who had her exposed legs brought up into her chest. “Okay.” Tobin said taking a deep breath, Allie sitting down beside her, her arm around her shoulder. Kelley and Alex sat down in the small entry way locking the door behind them, holding Tobin’s hands as Alex sat beside Tobin and Kelley in front of her. Slowly Tobin stretched out her legs revealing the many, many cuts on her thighs and lifting up her hoodie so they could also see the ones on her hips. “Tobs, please tell me those aren’t what I think they are” Alex asked, her raspy voice trembling. “Yeah Lex, they are.” Tobin said, a single tear rolling down her cheek. “Toby no.” Kelley said shaking her head, tears starting to roll down her freckled cheeks. “Why would you do that to yourself?” “Tobs, I think now is time you explain to us why, please.” Allie said. “Well, I started when I was 16…”

When Tobin finished her story, and even about what happened in Beijing and about Lauren’s retirement and how its all led up to this point with telling Lindsey and why she is so upset now. Alex looked at her stunned, Kelley was silent with disbelief, and Allie was just shaking her head and wiping her tears away. “Tobs….” Kelley finally broke the silence, “I cant believe you never told me or any of us. I’ve known you since I was 14, we’ve been through so much together, we’ve practically grown up together, you’re my sister. Why the hell didn’t you say something?” “I don’t get why you never came to us, we’re your best friends, why didn’t you ask us for help?” Alex added, she looked like she was about to break down. Her normally clear, bright blue eyes were now forming over with unshed tears. “I know”. Tobin said looking down at her feet wiping away a few tears that had managed to escape her eye. “I just didn’t know how to. I thought that you guys would hate me or be mad at me.” “Tobs, we could never hate you” Alex said taking Tobin’s face in her hands and wiping away her tears with her thumbs. “We only want to help you babe.” Allie said. “Toby we love you more than anything and don’t want you to do this anymore okay?” Kelley said hugging her longtime friend. Tobin nodded and melted into her friends embrace. “Group hug.” Allie said hugging Tobin and Kelley bringing Alex in with her. The four just hugged each other until they heard a knock at their door. “It’s time for practice guys” Carli called from behind the door. “Okay, we’re coming!” Kelley said back. “Lets get ready huh?” she said as she looked at Tobin. “You sure you wanna go? I can tell Jill that you need to sit this one out” Alex said rising to her feet. “No, im okay, I can get through it, I think.” Tobin whispered the last part. “You got this Harry! We’ll see you on the bus!” Allie said as Alex started walking her back to her room. It was only once she got to her door did Tobin realize she was going to have to see Lindsey and froze. “Just go in, get your training stuff and then come to my room ok? We will walk to the bus together.” Alex said patting her friends back, Tobin nodded and entered her room. She saw Julie, Crystal, Emily and Morgan whisper something to Lindsey before starting to exit the room, each giving a smile to Tobin on their way out. Tobin went to her suitcase and started to grab her training gear and began placing it in a small, empty Nike duffle bag.

“Tobin, I really am sorry.” Lindsey said, her voice breaking at the end. “Yeah Linds, Im actually sorry too.” Tobin said back as she continued looking for her left cleat. “Really?!” Lindsey asked, hope filling her voice. “Yeah,” Tobin replied, now zipping up her bag, “Im sorry that I told you and trusted you.” She instantly regretted saying it and now Lindsey was on the verge of crying. “Tobs, I-” “Just save it Linds, I don’t care.” Tobin snapped and grabbed her bag and left the room continuing down the hall to Alex’s room, silently crying. 

Alex and Tobin were the last ones on the bus, they got into their seats and Tobin put her Beats on and pulled her hood over her eyes and ignored everybody for the whole ride. Alex got some concerned looks and questions but said she was just having a rough day and dismissed all other questions about her friend. Practice was fairly typical for Tobin, she was able to block out everything else and just focus on soccer which brought her some sort of calmness. Lindsey however was a mess. Her crosses were poor timed, her shots were far off frame, she had sloppy footwork, and was being far too aggressive for a practice. Eventually Jill had to call her out of the scrimmage and bench her until she cleared her head. “You feeling alright today Lindsey? You seem off.” Jill asked the midfielder. “Yeah, just had a rough sleep” Lindsey tried to give a convincing smile. “Alright, try and clear your head until you feel ready to join the game again.” Jill said patting the young girl on her back leaving her to her thoughts. After about 10 minutes Lindsey felt ready to join the game again. She was ready to channel all of her emotions into the game and get them out, she didn’t mean though for her emotions to be translated into aggression and physical tackles. As soon as she set foot on the pitch she ran full speed and was determined to get the ball, she ran in and without realizing who she was about to sweep the ball from completely tripped up a player. Without even checking if they were okay she got up to continue the play but everyone ran towards the player she just side tackled, Tobin. “Harry are you okay?” Allie asked as Tobin was sitting up gripping her ankle. “Dude, what the fuck?! You know that’s my bad ankle why the fuck would you tackle me like that?!” Tobin shouted at Lindsey who was just staring at her. Allie, Alex, Christen and Kelley took Tobin away from everyone to the bench so the trainers could check her over. “Lindsey what the hell were you thinking?” Pinoe shouted at Lindsey. “You know Tobin just got over her ankle injury why would you do that?” Carli asked in a calmer tone. “I didn’t mean to, I-I swear, I never meant her to get hurt.” Lindsey said back, her entire team looking at her confused and shocked. “Just take it easy Linds, its just a practice.” Morgan said to Lindsey and the scrimmage soon resumed. Practice ended without any more fights or tackles. The bus ride back to the hotel was quiet and so was dinner; no jokes from Pinoe, no dancing from Cyrstal, and no stories from Kelley or Ash, just quiet, which was a first for this team. 

Captain Carli: Linds, can you meet me in my room after dinner   
The Great Horan: Sure! No problem 

Captain Carli: Tobs, can you come up to my room after dinner?   
Tobs: Yeah sure. 

After dinner, everyone went back to their own rooms, some of the girls were waiting for the elevators and some became impatient and opted for the stairs. Tobin was waiting at the elevator with Kelley when Lindsey, Morgan and Mallory walked up and also waited. Tobin didn’t want to be in a room with Lindsey let alone an elevator. “Kell, Im taking the stairs” Tobin said already walking toward the door. “Do you want me to go with you?” “Nah, im good. Ill see you later”. “Okay Tobs” Kelley said giving Lindsey a sympathetic look as she waits for the elevator. Tobin just turned the corner of the hallway to where Carli’s room was when she saw Lindsey already waiting at her door. “Hey” Lindsey said. Tobin remained silent, scrolling through her Instagram feed, “What are you doing here?” “Carli texted me to meet her here after dinner, what are you doing here?” “She texted me the same thing….” Lindsey mumbled. “Oh hell no” Tobin said and was just about to walk away when Carli opened the door. “Well look who finally showed up! Come on in you two.” She said smiling at the two girls holding the door open, Lindsey taking the initiative to enter first but Tobin remained in the hall. “Both of you. Now.” she said looking at Tobin who finally gave in and walked in, Carli closing the door behind them. Each girl took a seat on a bed while Carli stood in the middle of the room, who arms folded over her chest. “I don’t know what the hell is going on with you two but whatever it is it is clearly affecting the whole teams’ dynamic and we can’t deal with it. So this is what is going to happen. You two are going to stay in here until you work your shit out. There’ s food and water and I don’t care how long it takes, you two are resolving whatever issue is messing you up. Got it? Good.” Carli quickly ran out of the room and locked the door from the outside behind her. Tobin and Lindsey looked at each other briefly before realizing that Carli was serious. Tobin bolted to the door and started pounding on it. “Carli! What the actual fuck!? You better open this fucking door right fucking now!” Tobin was shouting and trying to pull the door open but it wasn’t working. Lindsey has never heard Tobin swear like that before and it slightly frightens her. “Tobin?” Lindsey said as she walked over to the door and placed her hand on her shoulder, “Maybe you should stop. Its not going to work.” “Get the fuck away from me” Tobin gnarls at Lindsey who backs away until she is sitting on Carli’s bed. Tobin continued to try and break out of the room for the next hour trying everything to open the door but finally let out a sigh of defeat and sat down by the door which happened to be the furthest spot away from Lindsey. “This is going to be hell” Tobin mumbled.


	3. Chapter 3

Nothing but silence fell over the room which lasted forever, forever being about 20 minutes. “Tobin, I really am sorry.” Lindsey said rolling over from her back to side in order to look at Tobin who was staring at the ceiling from her spot by the door. “Why cant you talk to me, or even fucking look at me?!” silence. “Listen. I said I was sorry. Allie is your best friend, so I assumed she would know. You guys are just as close as you and Cheney are so I thought you would've told her. Im sorry.” Still silence. “TOBIN HEATH. Hellooooo. Earth to Tobin. Your not fucking deaf and I know you can hear me” Lindsey yelled now standing up from the bed, her hands on her hips looking down to Tobin sitting at the door, avoiding eye contact. “WHAT?!” Tobin snapped back. “Talk to me.” “You? You want me to talk to you. I tried doing that, I mean that’s what friends do but I didnt give you the fucking authority to tell the things I tell you, things I DO NOT TALK ABOUT to just anyone, to go around to my friends and tell them those things. I mean, what kind of friend fucking does that?!” “I thought she knew. And I was upset cause I wanted to talk you about it this morning but you were gone. Do you realize how much it upsets me? Its a lot to fucking process Tobin. I’ve known you for years and to find out just by finding the cuts on you, and not you telling me is hard okay. ” “I didn’t tell you for the sympathy vote. I don’t need that shit Lindsey.” “Its not sympathy Tobin, its concern, fear, and sadness. You’re such an important person in my life and to know that you do this to your-self hurts me so much, there aren’t words to even describe it. And to even think that you have been going through this alone is hard. Im concerned Tobs, I just want you to not do it.” Tobin finally stands up and makes her way over to Lindsey who is sitting on the edge of Carlis bed. “Im sorry. Its just, its really hard to talk about and I mean, its like my biggest secret and insecurity and just knowing that instead of just one person knowing its like, what now 5 in just only two days and, well, its scary for me. I don’t want people knowing that im not strong or anything.” “Tobs, you’re the strongest person I know. I could talk for hours about the way you’ve influenced my life, as a person and as a player. You make life and soccer so enjoyable and fun. Your like my forever role model even though you’re one of my best friends. Im sorry, I should’ve asked you first but I was scared and upset and didn’t know what to do. Its a lot of information to process you know?” Tobin sits next to Lindsey and brings her into a hug. “Linds, im sorry for getting angry at you but, I was upset too, I just don’t want everybody to know, but thank you. For what you said. Love you buddy.” Lindsey tightens the hug, “Love you too. Can we stop being angry at each other now?” Tobin laughs and breaks into her mega watt smile. “As long as you keep whatever we talk about between us two okay?” “Okay” Lindsey smiles back, relived she has her friend back. “So what do we do now” Tobin asks. “Dude I don’t know. Call Carli and tell her to let us out.” Lindsey said as she stood up off the bed and went to grab a granola bar off the desk in front of the beds. 

Tobs: Yoo come let us out now. We worked stuff out.   
Carli: I’ll be up in 5 minutes. Please don’t raid the entire mini fridge.   
Tobs: Not making any promises….

“She’s on her way up” Tobin said as she rose from her spot on the bed to grab a bottle of water and a granola bar. 

(In Alex and Allie’s Room)

“I still cannot believe it” Alex said from her spot on her bed as she scrolled through her Instagram feed. “Believe what Al?” Allie asked looking for a hair tie in the bathroom. “About Tobs, the whole cutting thing, I mean I just, I just don’t know how she kept it hidden for so long, especially from me. And you too. I mean we lived with the girl for 3 years and how could we have not noticed the scars?” Allie made her way out from the bathroom and lied down on her stomach beside Alex on the bed. “I don’t know how we didn’t notice them either I mean, yeah we lived with her but its not like she was doing it then. She had no reason to and we didn’t have any reason to even consider that she would do that. I still cant believe she does it. I literally had to ask to see them cause I didn’t believe it” “Yeah but we should’ve noticed it sooner than we did, God I didn’t even notice it until she fucking told me in the most like not calm way. I feel bad that she felt kinda forced to tell us. I wish she just came to us earlier.” “I know, I feel like shit that I didn’t notice like at all. I mean I see her the most out of anybody and I feel like such a bad friend for not noticing.” “Why is she even doing it still, like what could possibly be making her do this.” “Cheney isn’t here anymore Alex. Neither is Arod. Like that’s a friendship and bond that we will never ever understand.” “No, I get that Al but, ughhh. Fuck it, im calling Cheney.” Alex announced as she pushed herself off her stomach to sit up against the headboard picking up her phone and started to scroll through her recent calls to find Laurens number. Allie rose up quickly too but grabbed Alex’s phone before she could find the number. “Woah! Hold up Alex!” Allie said holding the phone out of Alex’s reach. “Allie, give me the phone. We need to tell Lauren. She will know what to do. She can- she can fix Tobin. she did it before, she can do it now.” Alex rasped out, tears threatening to fall from her eyes. “Its not our place Alex. Harry will be pissed if we call her. You know that.” “I-I just want Tobin to be okay again. I want my Tobey back, my best friend. She is not herself and hasn’t been since Cheney retired. I mean you saw when she tried to do her retirement video, she was a mess. And its only gotten worse after Rio. You cannot disagree with me on that.” “Lex, I know. And I know where you’re coming from. Believe me. I’ve seen her slowly distance herself from everything, including me. It hurts so much to know that she is hurting and doesn’t have the strength to talk to me or you or Kell or Ash or anybody. I miss my Harry but if we call Lauren right now, what do you think is going to happen?” “She’ll just know what to do. Please, let me call her.” Allie is sitting looking at her best friend, still not fulling confident this is the bets idea but she knows Lauren can help, she hands Alex her phone back. “Fine. But you’re putting it on speaker so I can talk to okay.” “Of course” Alex said as she finds Laurens number and selects the call button. “K, its ringing….” 

“Alex! Hey hun, how are you?”  
“Hey Cheney, umm well ive been better”  
“So have I”   
“Allie? Is that you?”  
“The one and only”  
“Ahaha, okay is anybody else there that I should be aware of? Is this like a 3 Amigos call or something?”  
“Well, kinda I mean not really but kinda”  
“Not exactly following you Alex”  
“Well, the third Amigo is who we need to talk to you about”  
“Tobs?”  
“Yeah, Alex and I, well, something happened, well, Tobin told us something and we just, we need your help Lauren”  
“Okay, what’s wrong?? Is Tobin okay? I talked to her like 4 days ago and she sounded fine? What happened?”  
“Allie and I saw the scars Lauren. We know that she cuts, she told us everything.”  
Silence fell on the other line and Allie and Alex just looked at each other, Allie biting her thumb nail and Alex spinning her wedding ring waiting for Lauren’s response.   
“Okay. So um, when-when did she tell you guys?”  
“Yesterday, she told me and then Alex and Kelley.”  
“Why did she tell you guys? Like what made her want to tell you?”  
Allie explains how Lindsey found out and how Tobin told them  
“Oh my gosh, oh no. Guys, who else knows?”  
“Me, Allie, Kelley, and Lindsey. That’s all I think.”  
“We don’t know what to do Lauren…. That’s why we called you”  
“Were any fresh?”  
“What”  
“What do you mean Lauren?”  
“The scars. Did any look kinda new or scabbed to you guys?”  
“Ummm, the ones on her left thigh”  
“Yeah, there were a few that were scabbed over”  
“Where is she right now? Did she tell you why she started again?”  
Allie and Alex had a good idea why, and Lauren was a big part of it but how do they tell her that. They both just looked at each other, silently trying to figure out what to say. 

“Guys?”  
“Umm, I think it’s best if you ask her”  
“Yeah, Allie is right, I mean I think it’s best if you talk to her cause we- we don’t know what to do.”  
“Okay, I’ll call her later. Thank you for telling me. Don’t worry, I wont tell her you guys told me.”  
“Thanks Lauren. You are a true angel. Thanks so much”  
“Thank you, Cheney.”  
“No worries guys, thanks for calling me. Ill take care of things and keep you updated on everything. Promise.”  
“Okay, thanks. Text us later”  
“For sure. Love you guys”  
“Love you too. Byeeee”  
“Bye Cheney”  
Alex ends the call and lets out a breath she didn’t know was holding. She looked slightly more relaxed knowing Cheney was going to take care of things. “We did the right thing right Lex?” Alex nods her head, “Yeah Al, I think we did. Lauren knows what to do and she said she will keep us updated and will probably tell us what to do since she isn’t here right now.” “Yeah, you’re right. I think we should tell Kelley, just so she knows what’s up.” “Oh yeah, she needs to know for sure” “Okay lets go” Allie said as she got up off the bed and grabbed their room card and her and Alex walked over to Kelley’s room to fill her in.


	4. Chapter 4

Carli’s Room

Four granola bars and two Gatorades later, the door to the room finally opens and Tobin jumps off from her spot on the bed to leave the room but before she could even get two feet away from the bed Carli stands in front of her, blocking her from going any further. “Carli, dude we’re good now, can I please leave.” “Lindsey, are you sure you and Tobs are good. Worked out whatever was bothering you two?” Carli questions Lindsey who is still sitting on the bed. “Yeah, we’re good now. Just needed to say some ‘I’m sorry’s and give a hug and that’s it, we’re best buddies again right Tobs? “Oui” “Okay, but what were the ‘I’m sorry’s about? What did you do that needed an apology from each of you” Carli questioned arms folded across her chest and eyebrow raised. “Doesn’t matter, what does matter is that its all been worked out.” Tobin said trying to push her way past Carli but Carli stuck her hand out on Tobin’s shoulder pushing her back to the bed. “I don’t wanna talk about it Carli. Can you just let Lindsey and I go now?” “Lindsey, you can go” “Okayyyyy, ill see you later Tobs” Lindsey said as she let herself out of the room. “Why the hell does she get to leave Carli?” “Tobs something is up and I don’t get why you’re not telling me. Or anybody. Something has been bugging you since Rio that is really affecting you and now other people. I just want to know, maybe there is something I can do that will help.” “I don’t want to talk about okay, I’ll talk to you when im ready. But that’s not now and Lindsey and I worked out everything so its all good, I swear.” “Okay Tobs, you can go but you have 20 plus people here that will always be here for you okay.” Tobin nods and makes her way to the door, “See ya at dinner” and walks out making her way back down to her room. 

Tobin is waiting for the elevator when her phone starts to ring in her pocket, it’s Cheney. It was actually just the person she could talk to, she needed a laugh right now and she probably had some story about Jrue that would make her laugh. 

“Hey Cheney! Whats up?”  
“Hey Tobs! Is now a good time to Facetime you?”  
“Umm im just in the elevator right now but once I’m back in my room we can.”  
“Perfect! So how’s camp been so far?”  
“Pretty good, its been kinda hot but besides that its been steady”  
“That’s good, yeah well hot weather is better than rain ahaha. So whose had the best prank so far?”  
“Well, Lindsey, Kelley and I scared Harry pretty good the other day, you probably saw part of it on Insta” Tobin said as she opened her room to find it empty, ‘Thank God’ she thought to herself and opened up her Mac.   
“Cheney I just got to my room, im facetiming you now so im hanging up k?  
“Okay Tobey”  
Tobin ended the call and lied down on her back in her bed with her Mac resting on her chest starting Facetime. It only took 2 rings until Lauren answered.

“Tobs! Heyyy”  
“Hey Chen. I feel like I havnt seen you in forever”  
“It’s only been like 2 months since you saw me last Tobin, that’s not forever”  
“Whatever, so how have you been. How’s little Jrue been. And big Jrue? Ahaha”  
“Ahaha well both Jrues have been good, both active and always hungry. How have you been Tobs” Lauren knew she had bring the information she just learnt up slowly and not overwhelm her best friend. She clearly knows Tobin has been hurting but she really wants to know why, it hurts her to know she has started again.   
“Yeah, I’m good, its so nice to be playing again 100% without my ankle getting in the way anymore”  
“That’s good, but, how are you really Tobs?”  
Tobin narrowed her eyebrows a bit together, of course Cheney would feel like something is up.   
“Good Cheney” Tobin lied.”  
“Mmhmm. Okay. Tobin, I’ve been your best friend since we were 14 years old, I can always tell when you’re not okay and” Cheney circles her finger around Tobin’s via FaceTime, “you’re not okay, something is up. So just tell me Tobs.”  
Tobin knew she couldn’t get anything past Cheney, but does she tell her?  
“Show me your legs Tobin.”  
“Wh-what?”  
“I didn’t stutter Tobs. Show me the tops of your thighs.”  
“Oh you think, no no no Cheney. I havnt. I havnt done that in a while, you know that.”  
“Bullshit Tobin. You may be able to hide them from the team but you can’t hide from me, I have a feeling you have gone back to doing it and I want to see.”  
Tobin let out a breath, sat up and placed her laptop on the desk across from her bed, and rolled down her joggers so Lauren could see the cuts she was trying so hard to hide from her.   
“Tobin.” Lauren’s voice was filled with disappointment and Tobin picked up on that which only made her start to cry. She pulled the pant back up and grabbed her Mac and sat back down on her bed.  
“I-Im sorry Chen.”  
“I know you are babe, but you were doing so good, I was so proud of you. Why? Why start again?”  
“Chen, I-I, ever since you left, it-it hasn’t been the same and its been hard and then R-Rio, ugh, I just didn’t, soccer wasn’t enough, I didn’t know what else to do and you were and are so happy and I-I didn’t want to ruin your happiness by telling you.”  
“Tobs, you are a part of my happiness, knowing you are happy always makes me happy. I know how hard it has been on you, and im so sorry, but soccer wasn’t bringing me the same amount of happiness it used to anymore. And im so happy now and proud of you and the girls. Rio was meant to happen, it was a part of God’s plan for you and the team, you know that.”  
“I just don’t get how it was God’s plan, like, how does He think that helped us? It broke us and the fans.”  
“He puts the biggest obstacles on our path so we can learn and have a greater achievement from it once we overcome that obstacle. Please babe, you cant turn to marking your body anymore. It hurts me so much to know that you’re doing it again. I am always here for you, just because I left the team does not mean I have left you, I will never leave you.”  
“Cheney, I just felt so broken, and then with my ankle, I couldn’t even play soccer, and I needed something for a release. I know you wont leave me but I just didn’t want to upset you.”  
“I know but please the next time you feel an urge coming on, call me, I will always pick up my phone, and we will come up with something to distract your mind, like going on a walk, making a snack, going to the gym, paint, longboard, we will come up with something.”  
“Okay, your right. Im sorry Chen, I thought I was doing good too, but I guess not.”  
“Tobs, don’t let this small hiccup stop you from focusing on what is most important. You have a World Cup and another Olympic Gold to bring home. Promise me that this is the last time you do this, I know you are strong enough to stop, you’ve done it before and you can do it again Tobs.”  
Tobin takes a deep breath. Cheney always knows what to say, no matter what. Its like she is psychic and just knows everything. Tobin has never appreciated talking to her best friend in this moment more.   
“Thanks Cheney, you always know what to say. I promise. I really do. I love you, thanks for always being here when I need you the most, its weird how you always manage to call me though in these moments though. Are you psychic or something cause I mean, that would explain a lot. Aha”   
Lauren knew Tobin would never suspect that her other best friends called her panicing because they didn’t know what to do, but she thought I was funny how anytime a problem happens on the team, she still is called asking for advice even though she isn’t on the team anymore, it still feels like she is because she literally knows everybody’s business and drama.   
“Your cute Tobs, I just can always sense when you or Arod or Alex, anybody really is upset. It’s a fifth sense actually aha. I miss you.”  
“Yeah, well you know I miss you. You should call Alex or Moe later. I know that they’d want to talk to you.”  
“Yeah maybe I will. Im proud of you Tobs, now go out and kick ass for the rest of this camp. You’re healthy and got new tricks to share. I want to see some Heath magic on the field during the next game.”  
“You got it dude. Talk soon?”  
“Duh. I will call in a couple days okay?”  
“Perfect. Love ya Chen, and thanks.”  
“Anytime Tobs, love ya, byeee”

The FaceTime ended and Tobin was actually feeling really good about where she was right now. Lauren always said what she needed to hear, and this time, she was feeling determined to stop cutting for good. She also knows that Allie, Alex, Kelley, and Lindsey are all here too if she ever gets an urge, she can go to them too. It felt good not knowing she wasn’t doing this alone and that she has some really amazing friends. Tobin looked at her phone and checked the time, 3:45, everyone should be in their rooms right now. She grabbed her phone and room key and made her way to Kelley’s room, wanting to tell her about her talk with Cheney and just talk with her friend.


	5. Chapter 5

In Kelley’s Room

“I cannot believe you guys called Lauren!” Kelley was beyond mad, she was pissed. She was leaning against the desk that faced the beds, which Alex and Allie were sitting on explaining how the phoned Lauren and how she was going to call Tobin. “Kel, calm down.” “I cant calm down Alex. The both of you were totally out of line doing that. It was not your place to call Cheney. That is our best friend who we just found out has been cutting herself since she was 16 years old and failed to mention it to us until now. And you call the only person who knew. Tobin is smart, she is going to find out that you guys told Cheney to call her. You think im pissed, Tobs is going to flip on you guys.” “I know we shouldn’t have called but, what else were we supposed to do?” Allie pleaded. “Like, I don’t know what to do or say, like what are we supposed to do huh? Sit around and babysit Harry?” “No Allie. We support her and let her know we are here. She comes to us when she needs to, not us being tattletale’s and telling Cheney who by the way is a reason why she started to do it again.” “Kelley, I get where you’re coming from-” “Do you Alex? Cause im pretty sure you don’t considering you did the exact opposite of what you shouldn’t have done.” “Yes Kel, I know, but I am so scared right now. When I saw the scars like that is years and years of sadness and pain, we have all been in pain especially after Rio, but no one else understands why Tobin copes that way and how to tell her to stop either than Cheney. Lauren knows her better than she does herself, in a way we wont understand, she needed to know. She can help in ways we cant even though we are her best friends. Cheney and Tobin just have a connection that is like no other.” “We overstepped a boundry but, it was for Harry. Kelley, tell me right now that you want Tobin to stop and be truly happy.” “Yeah of course but-” “But nothing. We did the right thing. She will not be pissed at us, promise.” “Who wont be pissed at you Allie?” Tobin says as she pushes open Kelley’s open door and lies down on the empty bed. The three girls just all stare at each other and then back to Tobin. Alex and Allie give Kelley a look to not say anything. “Umm, that we’re going to hide Mal’s snacks for a prank and say we ate them. She is going to be pissed when we tell her but it will be funny.” Kelley says hoping it sounded convincing enough for Tobin to believe. “Huh, that’s a new one. Whose idea was it?” Tobin asked. “Mine Harry, I need to do more pranks so wormy here wont be queen of pranks and I can reclaim the title.” The girls laugh at Allie’s comment which instantly relaxes everybody. “So, guess who called me guys?” Tobin asks the group. “Ummm, do we get any hints?” Alex asks already knowing the answer. “Just guess” “Arod?” “Nope, guess again” “Cheney?” “How come you guess always guess those two first? Yeah Cheney called me, like she always calls when something happens, I swear she is psychic.” “Definitely not psychic but something like that Harry. How Jrue?” “She’s good and so is big Jrue. You should call her Lex, she said she misses you. I also told her to call her prodigy Moe, so we will probably be hearing a lot from her” Tobin nonchalantly says as she is mindlessly scrolling through her twitter feed laying down as the other 3 girls look at each other not knowing what to say. “So, is that all you guys talked about?” Kelley pushes. “Umm, what do you mean?” Tobin put her phone on her stomach and raises an eyebrow at Kelley then looks over to Allie and Alex since that is where Kelley is looking. “Like, did she mention anything new, or did you?” Alex tries, she wants to know what advice Cheney gave to her. Tobin scrunched her eyebrows together trying to figure out what the meant by ‘new’ and why they cared so much about their phone call. “Not really, why? And since when are you guys so curious to know what we talk about, it’s not like anything has changed since the last time I talked to her.” and just after Tobin finishes her sentence it clicks, she knows that they told Cheney called her. Why else would they be pushing so hard to see what they were talking about. Did they tell Cheney what she had told them and that’s why Cheney called and brought it up. “is there something you guys want to tell me” Tobin says as she sits up and crosses her arms across her chest. Allie, Alex, and Kelley look at each other not knowing what to say. “I wasn’t involved” Kelley says raising her hands in surrender. “It was all them not me.” “What the hell wormy?!” “Seriously Kel.” “What the fuck is going on guys.” Tobin says in a frustrated tone. “Did, did you guys tell her to call me?” “Harry, we-“ “Oh shit, you guys actually did. I cant believe you did that. What the fuck Harry. Alex are you serious right now?” Tobin said as she stood up off the bed. “Tobs, we didn’t know what to do. We knew Cheney would know what to say, we just didn’t know what to say or do and we-” “Stop Alex. This is literally EXACTLY what happened when I told Linds. Where is the trust you guys?! I trust you with something that is so personal and you go and snitch on me to Cheney!? What the actual fuck!” “Tobs, calm down.” “No Kelley, I get that you weren’t part of this but did you know they were going to do this?” “No, I found out 10 minutes ago. See guys. I told you she’d be pissed.” “Now is so not time for a ‘I told you so’ Kel.” Alex said as she stood up off the bed to go stand beside Kelley. “Just hear us out Harry. I was against at first but Cheney always knows what to say and she is your best friend and deserved to know cause she is really the only one that knows how to help you Harry. We just found out, like how the hell are we suppose to help when we don’t know how and we don’t want to annoy you or make you feel uncomfortable” Allie says sitting cross legged on the bed. “I don’t know Har, like maybe a little heads up so im not bombarded with Cheney going off on me.” “Well someone needed to do it. Someone who has gone through this with you before, someone who knows what to say and how to really handle things. Only Cheney could do that and you and I both know that Tobin.” Tobin takes a deep breath knowing that Alex was right. Cheney was the only one who knew what to say, and just their conversation and promise alone was enough to make Tobin feel better. Her friends were right, as much as that was hard to admit for her. Tobin makes her way over to sit beside Alex and pulls her into a hug. “You’re right Lex. Im sorry. Thank you. She wouldn’t have called if you hadn’t talked to her and I really needed her in that moment.” Alex was gripping onto the midfielder tightly not ready to let her go. She was just happy that Cheney was able to break through to her. “Anytime Tobs but you know im always right.” The two girls laugh and break apart, Tobin pulls Kelley into a quick hug and makes her way over to sit beside Allie. “Thanks Harry. Love you.” Tobin says as she pulls her best friend into a tight hug. “Love you too Harry. Please don’t yell at me like that though, you kinda scared me” They both laugh and all three forgive each other and talk about other stuff after Tobin promises to talk to them whenever she needs to. Kelley thinks its adorable and takes a boomerang of Tobin and Allie hugging on the bed and posts it on Instagram. Allie later puts a picture of her, Alex, and Tobin AKA the 3 Amigos on her Instagram. The girls have never been closer which is surprising considering how close they have always been. Tobin never felt more fortunate for having friends like Lauren. Allie, Alex, Kelley, and Lindsey before. The scars are now just a reminder that even after hard times there are good times and there are people to pull you away from those hard times as long as you let them. Friends are also life's greatest blessing and to never take them for granted.


End file.
